I’m really scraping the bottom of the idea barrel for this post, but I’m home sick today, bored and have only my cats to entertain me. So I apologize.
I’m in the bathroom when Emo, my cat, starts yowling like she’s being burned alive. This is a regular occurrence (the yowling, not her being burned alive) so I try to ignore her as best I can. But anyone with a vocal cat can tell you there’s a certain point where the human brain cannot ignore this horrible sound anymore. Don’t believe me? Watch:
Apparently my limit is about 52 seconds.
Anyway, I fling open the door to find her staring at me with a toy mouse head in her mouth. Not taking her eyes off me, she opens her mouth and drops it on the carpet, waiting expectantly.
I can just imagine if I could understand her cat language. For some reason, in my head it translates like this:
Emo: BEHOLD! I HAVE BROUGHT YOU THE HEAD OF A MOUSE. (drops it at my feet)
Me: Great. Thank you. That’s very nice.
Emo: I HOPE YOU HAVE FOUND MY GIFT WORTHY.
Me: I do. Only… why is it just the head?
Emo: I don’t know. The body’s around here somewhere. Why, don’t you like it?
Me: I love it. Obviously. So somewhere in my house there’s a headless mouse body?
Emo: Yes.
Me: But you don’t know where.
Emo: Correct.
Me: Great. Can I take my shower now?
Emo: I suppose.
I take my shower. I hear her yowling again. I ignore her and turn my music up louder. When I’m done drying off, I open the door to find Emo once again with what appears to be the mouse body, judging by the straggly tail hanging from her mouth.
Emo: I NOW PRESENT YOU WITH THE BODY OF A MOUSE. MY GIFT IS COMPLETE.
Me: Yeah. That’s great. It’s… wait, that’s another mouse head!
Emo: No, it’s not.
Me: Yes it is! (I pick it up and inspect it.) It’s a different mouse with the bottom half of its body torn off. What is wrong with you?
Emo: Do you want my gift or not?
Me: In my house there are two headless mouse bodies.
Emo: Well, technically one is half a headless mouse body.
Me: Please leave me alone.
Emo: No.
I think I’m ready to start back to grad school again, what do you guys think?
Jessie Lea Pingle 