I take awkward to a new level of awkward

I have woefully neglected my blog this Christmas season. Even my last post was a rerun. What sucks is that I’ve had so many ideas for blog posts but have been too busy to write them down. Which means that my brain is overstuffed, filled to way beyond capacity and due for a meltdown any minute. So really, I’m writing this for my own safety.

How my brain could have exploded, probably.
How my brain would have exploded, probably.

I’ve had several people recently compliment me on my writing and tell me how funny they think I am—which is awesome. I love it. It gives me a warm glow similar to taking that first sip of wine. It makes me feel that all my nitpicky editing and agonizing over the perfect word has actually been worth it.

But then I remember how awkward and weird I am in person and that glow quickly turns to paranoia and self-consciousness. I do that thing where you just say words that don’t make sense just so you’re not standing in silence. But then you realize that what you’re saying is gibberish mixed with gobbly-gook and you say even more stupid things. Until your brain is screaming at you to SHUT UP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD but you can’t. So you finally stop talking but then laugh at things that aren’t funny until eventually whoever you’re talking to backs away, smiling nervously and probably blocking you from all social media like a digital restraining order.

"Maybe if I can't see or hear her she'll actually disappear."
“Maybe if I can’t see or hear her I can pretend this never happened.”

It makes me really wish I could just carry around my laptop so that when people talk to me, I’d write the perfect thing to say and then let them read it. And we’d all have a nice, unawkward chuckle because I’m wayyy better in written form than in actual human form.

I think this is why I love fashion and makeup and all that girly stuff so much. Like a magician, I dazzle with my finery so they won’t notice my maniacal jibberjabber. Or people may just think I’m a vacant airhead. Which is a much preferable option than causing them to lock their car doors when they see me in the parking lot, I gotta say.

So my point is, I suppose, that if you ever meet me in person and find yourself wanting to wrap my face in duct tape, don’t worry. I carry an emergency stash just for that purpose. I’ll even help you!

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Happy Holidays, everyone!

3 thoughts on “I take awkward to a new level of awkward

  1. Hahaha you’re not awkward. I feel the same way when I’m around people. For me, it’s a mixture of nervousness, self consciousness, and my natural goofiness. I find it quite odd because for the most part, I’m usually stuttering and saying complete nonsense around women. I grew up having a lot more guy friends than girl friends and now I feel like Raj from The Big Bang Theory when I try to strike up conversation with my female friends. Weird. Anyway, I don’t think that you’re awkward. You are pretty cool from what I’ve seen of you so far lol and you are a very smart and witty writer. I just think that we get into our heads too much and over think our interactions with people and what they must be thinking. Keep doing what you’re doing and stay confident 🙂

    1. Bahaha well, thank you for that. I definitely get inside my head too much and over analyze everything I say. I feel like I get overly folksy and words just fly out of my mouth sometimes. D’oh! Also, I love that you compared yourself to Raj! 🙂

  2. You ARE funny! And I get the awkward feeling too. Like I must fill the silence with babble until I get a response or a laugh or something, anything. 🙂

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