Okay, I lied. I’m back.

This was supposed to be a non-working blog. A place where I display my wares and walk away, like those kiosks in the mall that sell stuff like soap made with salt from the Dead Sea. Then when you pause for a nano-second, because you have an eyelash in your contact or something, they appear from nowhere with a charming yet purposeful air. “May I help you?”

THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ME. I’m creepy sea salt lady.

But I couldn’t stay away! You know how hard it is for a writer to have an audience at her very fingertips and not write?

Clearly impossible.

I have too much on my mind to not write. Let me take you on a tour through my thoughts. Watch your step, it’s sticky.

I got into grad school and start in August which is like a FEW MONTHS away and I’m freaking out.

I loved college. Loved it. But I also worked part time on the weekends, lived at home, and graduated over ten years ago. My brain has got a lot slower since then, I work full-time, I have a house, a husband, a family… ahhhhh! What was I thinking? How am I going to do this? What if I fail? What if I’m the class dummy? What if everyone gets it but me????

See above re: freaking out.

I’m trying to write a book and I can’t find the time/energy to work on it.

I wanted to finish my book before I went back to school. I had a plan. I was going to write such-and-such words a day—not an unreasonable amount, either. A totally doable amount. But I haven’t done it. I was on fire for a few weeks, then pffft. I wrote a book in a freaking month for NaNoWriMo, so I know it can be done. So what’s my problem? Blaaaaarg.

Lastly, the whole point of this blog was to garner some freelance work.

I’ve garnered exactly two things:  1) A woman asking if there are any job openings at my place of employment (there aren’t) and 2) another woman who wrote to me for marriage advice after reading one of my xojane articles. Do I look like f%^&ing Dear Abby? Go see a marriage counselor!

WHAT THE CRAP, Y’ALL.